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Madison Vrax

Captain Vrax is a talented young officer with a strong sense of propriety. She has a long and distinguished career ahead of her. You know, unless space piracy of some kind gets in the way.

First Appearance: The Prize Page 10

Archive

I spent a semester in Africa harpooning giraffes, and giraffes are basically land space whales.'

The Prize Page 10

Captain, I wasn't expecting you here.' 'Neither was I.'

The Prize Page 11

Wealth is too precious to be entrusted to the rich.'

The Prize Page 12

You really want a robot for a friend?' 'Yeah. Ever since I was six.'

The Prize Page 13

If you could touch the alien sand and hear the cry of strange birds and watch them wheel in another sky, would that satisfy you?'

The Prize Page 14

It learns fast, doesn't it?'

The Seat Of Your Pants Cover

No you fool, we're following orders. We were told to comb the desert so we're combing it.'

The Seat Of Your Pants Page 1

Space calls out to humans. And the earth tries to pull us back down, saying that what we are doing is wrong...'

The Seat Of Your Pants Page 2

My hands are clean, but not because I wasn't prepared to bloody them.'

The Seat Of Your Pants Page 3

It was his job to do his job, which was to do his job.'

The Seat Of Your Pants Page 4

At least we've got it stopped.' 'Yeah, as long as the Arctic stays cold.'

The Seat Of Your Pants Page 5

A somewhat flippant title, perhaps, but not without foundation! I have conquered the diseases that brought their victims here.'

The Seat Of Your Pants Page 6

I learned that if you're gonna have a general over for dinner, you better have turkey legs and beer on hand.'

Thanksgiving 2014

Obeying an inalienable law, things grew, spreading riotous and strange in their instinct for growth.'

The Seat Of Your Pants Page 7

Maybe this is a bad time to tell you, but the door is open.'

The Seat Of Your Pants Page 8

The door dilated.'

The Seat Of Your Pants Page 9

If you are worthy of your command, prove your strength and try to destroy me!'

The Seat Of Your Pants Page 10

Free to roam the heavens in man's noble quest to investigate the weirdness of the universe!'

The Seat Of Your Pants Page 11

Exactly my point! Here are six thousand years of recorded history, a history that includes remarkable composers, astonishing symphonies! But what is the one song that half of them sing to their children generation after generation? You put your right hand in. You put your right hand out. You put your whole self in. And you turn yourself about. You do the hokey-pokey. You give a little shout. That's what it's all about! It doesn't mean anything! I have been studying it for seven days!

The Seat Of Your Pants Page 12

The one thing that you need to make your Xmas day splendiferous is a pine tree; a pine tree that's coniferous!'

Christmas 2014 Part 1

Mutant, human, everyone just sort of holds their breath in sweet anticipation... waiting to see how badly they're going to be disappointed in the morning.'

Christmas 2014 Part 2

Well done. Well done, everyone! We're halfway out of the dark.'

Christmas 2014 Part 3

You know, when I was a kid, food was food.'

The Seat Of Your Pants Page 14

Attention, people of Earth! Attention, people of Earth! This is Krankor Exploration Force speaking!'

The Seat Of Your Pants Page 15

First rule: never surrender your weapons. Second rule: blow the hell out of your enemies 'fore they can do it to you!'

The Seat Of Your Pants Page 16

I don't care what anything was designed to do. I care about what it can do. So let's get to work, let's lay it out, okay?'

The Seat Of Your Pants Page 17

Bugs, Mr. Rico. Zillions of em!'

The Seat Of Your Pants Page 19

How could something as big as Atlantis just sink?' 'I'm sure the passengers on the Titanic were asking themselves the same question.'

The Seat Of Your Pants Page 20

Don't Blink. Blink and you're dead.'

The Seat Of Your Pants Page 21

Even dogs have dreams, but not you. You are just a machine.'

The Seat Of Your Pants Page 22

Work is not an end in itself; there must always be time enough for love.'

Valentine39s Day 2015 Part 1

That's when we'll teach them something every human knows: payback's a bitch.'

The Seat Of Your Pants Page 23

Simple. Change the gravitational constant of the universe.'

The Seat Of Your Pants Page 24

Out here in space, no one is completely independent. We all depend on one another.'

The Seat Of Your Pants Page 25

Life and death are seldom logical.'

Always Shall Be

To me it is quite credible that the Martians may be descended from beings not unlike ourselves, by a gradual development of brain and hands (the latter giving rise to the two bunches of delicate tentacles at last) at the expense of the rest of the body. Without the body the brain would, of course, become a mere selfish intelligence, without any of the emotional substratum of the human being.'

The Seat Of Your Pants Page 26

All my life, I have been responsible only for myself. When I risked, I risked alone to avoid making others pay the price for my mistakes. They want me to show them another way. What if I show them the wrong way? What if they come to me not because of the lesson, but because of the teacher?'

Casinopeia Cover

Give a Martian woman a chance and death must take a back seat.'

Casinopeia Page 1

In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate.'

Casinopeia Page 2

I was cheating. I was using my brain, which is something the average run-of-the-mill customer stopped doing a long time ago.'

Casinopeia Page 3

Nah, this is nothing. A little trigonometry, some minor wrist action.'

Casinopeia Page 4

Expect only what happens in the fight. That way you'll never be surprised.'

Casinopeia Page 6

The only gold is love, a coin that we have minted from the light of others who have cared for us.'

Marriage Equality 2015

The first nonabsolute number is the number of people for whom the table is reserved. This will vary during the course of the first three telephone calls to the restaurant, and then bear no apparent relation to the number of people who actually turn up.'

Casinopeia Page 7

Though my sentries may sleep and my ships may rest at anchor, our foes know full well that big guns never tire.'

Casinopeia Page 11

Winning isn't everything, but losing is nothing'

Casinopeia Page 12

Oh, uh- you put your hand in mine, and then up, and down. It's this little custom we have on Earth.'

Casinopeia Page 13

If a falling stone could reason, it would think, "I want to fall at the rate of thirty-two feet per second."'

Casinopeia Page 14

"Great and strange ideas transcending experience often have less effect upon men and women than smaller, more tangible considerations.'

Casinopeia Page 15

Plain old human stubbornness, I guess. When something we value is destroyed, we rebuild it. If it's destroyed again, we rebuild it again. And again, and again, and again, until it stays.'

100th Update Special

I didn't know that similarity was required for the exercise of compassion.'

Complementary Angles

This vast, vague personality seemed to have done him a terrible wrong, and to kill it in triumphant revenge was his paramount desire. In order to reach it, he said, he would soar through abysses of emptiness, burning every obstacle that stood in his way.'

A Periodical Purchase

Woah...it's like a postcard! 'Dear Sarge: Kicking ass in outer space. Wish you were here!' "I heard that, jackass!"

All The Air She Needs Is In Her Head

First was your firecracker, a harmless explosive. Then your hand grenade: you began to kill your own people, a few at a time. Then the bomb. Then a larger bomb: many people are killed at one time. Then your scientists stumbled upon the atom bomb, split the atom. Then the hydrogen bomb, where you actually explode the air itself. Now you can arrange the total destruction of the entire universe served by our sun: The only explosion left is the Solaranite.' 'Why, there's no such thing.'

The Big Race Page 15

And as your mother, you will listen to me, young lady. There will be no leading of these ships and armies on a mass-murdering crusade! Or else!'

The Big Race Page 16

I figure this ship is going like, what, twenty miles per hour? Figure an hour, and that puts us twenty miles out, right?' 'Jake's a total mathematical genius. One hour at twenty miles per hour. Right away he figures out that's twenty miles.'

The Big Race Page 19

Pathetic earthlings. Hurling your bodies out into the void, without the slightest inkling of who or what is out here. If you had known anything about the true nature of the universe, anything at all, you would've hidden from it in terror.'

The Big Race Page 20

We repeat: there is nothing wrong with your television set. You are about to participate in a great adventure.'

The Big Race Page 24

A planet full of people meant nothing against the dictates of economic necessity.'

The Big Race Page 26

Good work. Give me a moment with the human, and next timeÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ use a bigger needle.

The Big Race Page 27

I'll take care of the police. "Hey, wait! You swore!" "Trust me."

The Big Race Page 29

I could tell you what's happening, but I don't know if it would really tell you what's happening.

The Big Race Page 34

An animal may be cunning and ferocious enough, but it takes a real man to tell a lie.

So, what are you gonna try next? Cheese?

Incredible race of giants here. Race of giants. No, Central Control. No counterattack. Repeat, no counterattack. Too much for us. Too powerful. Stay away.

Big Trouble Page 1

I have a tongue. "You will be taught how to use it."

Big Trouble Page 2

Maybe there never was a real me in the first place.

Big Trouble Page 3

He is taller by almost the breadth of my nail, than any of his court, which alone is enough to strike an awe into the beholders.'

Big Trouble Page 4

All those agonizing philosophical-theological conundrums amount to 'Ask a silly question, get a silly answer.'

Guest Miss Melee Team

All the final answers were given in the beginning. They stand shining, above and beyond us, but they are always there to be seen.'

Big Trouble Page 5

Humans are almost always lonely.'

Big Trouble Page 6

The interval of uncertainly was actually fairly brief, Captain. It only seemed long to you.'

Whether we are based on carbon or silicon makes no fundamental difference. We should each be treated with appropriate respect.'

Let39s Bee Friends Again

No, it's not fair. You're in the wrong universe for fair.

You39re Under Arrt

Thinking you know why you behave as you do gives you all sorts of excuses for extraordinary behavior.

Past The Edge Page 1

You are the millionth human to look at a spark, a flea, a raindrop, the moon, and the first to see it. For anyone to say that this is less remarkable than what Newton has done, is to understand things in but a hollow and jejune way. 'Tis like going to a Shakespeare play and remembering only the sword-fights.

Past The Edge Page 2

Life is mere chance only when one allows it to be.'

Past The Edge Page 3

Children, your performance in the school fundraiser was pathetic. Your parents will receive phone calls instructing them to love you less.'

Past The Edge Page 4

Man is a rationalizing beast, if not a rational one.'

Past The Edge Page 5

I never get furious. As we say in fencing, "What's the point?"

Past The Edge Page 6

Great and strange ideas transcending experience often have less effect upon men and women than smaller, more tangible considerations.'

Past The Edge Page 7

There are huge advertising budgets only when there's no difference between the products. If the products really were different, people would buy the one that's better.'

Past The Edge Page 8

I'm older than you. "Well, now I'm bigger. And on this planet size matters."

Past The Edge Page 10

You must be so EMBARRASSED! Do me! Do me, do me!

Past The Edge Page 11

You've got to go through it to get to the end of it.

Past The Edge Page 12

Excuse me, can you help me? I'm a spy.

Covert Operations

A sane being wished for peace and serenity, not to be the mortar in which the ingredients of destiny are finely ground.'

Past The Edge Page 13

You do not have powers so you can harm others. I hope you leave here with the understanding that you have powers in order to help others.

Past The Edge Page 14

I can't even begin to tell you how fascinating this is. "Anthropologist fascinating, or actual fascinating?"

Past The Edge Page 15

I've always thought that a leader should have a strong chin. He has no chin, and his vice president has several. This to me is not a good combination.

Now You39re A Man Pt 1

He's just not cute since he had puberty installed.

Now You39re A Man Pt 2

Ã¢â‚¬Å“I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis.Ã¢â‚¬Â

Now You39re A Man Pt 4

Ideals, mes braves, they're easy to embrace. An' I t'ank you for dat, at least. It's dealin' wit' reality that'll take some work. For all of us.

Soon, all of us will have special names â€” names designed to cause the cathode ray tube to resonate.

Party All The Time Part 1

Hey, are you kind of kid who reads the last page of a mystery first? Who pesters the magician to tell you his tricks? Who sneaks downstairs to peek at his Christmas presents? No, of course you're not.

Party All The Time Part 5

I always get a happy, tingly feeling when I see those guys.

Party All The Time Part 5 2

The first nonabsolute number is the number of people for whom the table is reserved.'

Party All The Time Page 7

Whatever you do, do not let the past be a straitjacket!

Party All The Time Page 8

You're going all the way back to Planet Jackass, JACKASS!

Party All The Time Page 9

No one's a hero every day of the week.

Party All The Time Page 9 2

What is a man but the sum of his memories? We are the stories we live! The tales we tell ourselves!

Party All The Time Page 11

â€œThey used to talk about seeing only â€˜reflections’ of reality. Not reality itself. The main thing wrong with a reflection is not that it isn’t real, but that it’s reversed.â€

Party All The Time Page 12

We must know our enemy, at least a little. â€œThat’s dangerous." "Yes, it is. What you know, you cannot hate."

Party All The Time Page 13

You're so... consumed by your personal vengeance against life, whether it be its inherent cruelties or its mysteries, that everything takes on a warped significance to your megalomaniacal cosmology. "Scully, are you coming on to me?"

Party All The Time Part 14

Automatons know nothing of betrayal or honor. They know only what they're programmed to know. Only living beings possess the ability to change, and make new choices.

Party All The Time Part 15

The siren's call is beckoning us to embrace. We shan't ignore her.

Party All The Time Part 16

In others' eyes, I am part of the world. But when I look out at the world from my own vantage point, I am not in it.

Party All The Time Part 17

Shut your rude mouth! I'll have you know that most people think I look good for my age! Excuse me for not being an alien monster that never changes!

Take good care. But most importantly, take good care of those in your care.

Portrait Of An Officer

Being in one place is very natural where we come from. "I find this all quite absorbing, Doctor." "Probably because you're not very natural to begin with, Spock."

Yes, but say instead they are decadent people interested only in the pursuit ofâ€¦of dubious pleasures. The dubious part is very important. It doesn't mean anything, but it scares people every time.

I'm Garrus Vakarian, and this is my favorite spot on the Citadel!

I'll be subtle. I'm good at subtle.

It's a leader's job to be lucky.

When you stand oÂn this deck, you be ready to fight, or you dishonor the reason why we're here. Now remember this: When you fight a man, he's not your friend. Same goes when you lead men.

Combat is not a spectator sport.

Wisdom includes not getting angry unnecessarily. The Law ignores trifles and the wise man does, too.

It is possible that judgment was incorrect. Your associates are people of good character.

The greatest treasures of all, Mister Land, are a sound mind and a full belly. I hope you remember that before stooping to pick up pennies.

We are who we choose to be, Matt. "When you figure it out, let us know. We're waitin' on ya."

Leave Bonus Page

A man shouldn't have to live on carbohydrates alone, complex or otherwise.

Wrenns Journal Page 4

You're forgiven. It would take too long to train anyone else.

Wrenns Journal Page 6

Tough chick needs backup? Since when did she ever need a hand?

Not The Beach Episode Part 11

I might have made a mistake about that lizard. And I might have made a mistake about that jackrabbit. And I might have even made a mistake about that tortoise, but there's one thing I know I'm not wrong about. "How much you wish you'd stayed home today?"

Unusual Suspects Page 10

We have nothing to fear but fear itself. Apart from pain. And maybe humiliation and obviously death. And failure. But apart from fear, pain and humiliation, failure and the unknown and death we have nothing to fear but fear itself. Who’s with me?

The last ghost died over 200 years ago!

â€œI don’t want to be happy,â€ Dahl said. â€œI just want to know.â€

Love, like zen, cannot be learned, only felt.

Compassion.' 'Shrimptoast.' 'Antiquing?'

He who dies pays all debts.

People ask me to predict the future, when all I want to do is prevent it.

See? Vengeance won't get you anywhere.

Cassiopeia And Cover

In certain circles â€” middle-class circles â€” it was thought disgusting. Vulgar ostentation. Anarchistic. Shameful.

Cassiopeia And Page 11

Oh, I could stay all night, folks, but I gotta go. A hand for the boys in the band, and remember, I hate your guts!

Cassiopeia And Page 13 2

Coming to wipe that silly smile off your planet.

Cassiopeia And Page 15

â€œHe’ll pay no mind to me anyhow,â€ MacRae answered. â€œThat’s the healthy thing about kids.â€

Casssiopeia And Page 16

Can you keep your head about you when you're confronted with mind-blowing weirdness at every turn?

Casssiopeia And Page 17

Loneliness, her arch enemy, never seemed content.'

Cassiopeia And Page 18

I have ever been prone to seek adventure and to investigate and experiment where wiser men would have left well enough alone.

Cassiopeia And Page 19

Don't jump a gift shark in the mouth.

Cassiopeia And Page 21

Scotch? "Aye." "It was invented by a little old lady from Leningrad."

Cassiopeia And Page 22

No one is as dumb as I appear to be.

Cassiopeia And Page 23

Your information tray is jammed, man!

Takeout Order Page 8

Blast their fleets from space, grind their armies to torn and ruined fragments. But their hunger? That is beyond our ability to slay.'

Takeout Order Page 9

Now, a headache I can get over. I'm not sure I'm gonna get over being dead anytime soon.

Takeout Order Page 10

His car is an invisible black lozenge, just a dark place that reflects the tunnel of franchise signs - the loglo.

Takeout Order Page 11

In the early twentieth century the problem of production had been solved; after that it was the problem of consumption that plagued society.

Takeout Order Page 12

But the 22nd Rule of Acquisition says, 'A wise man can hear profit in the wind.'

Takeout Order Page 22

You, people down there, are you satisfied with the way the world is?

Battle For The Burger World Cover

That, uh, blew out the Heisenberg Compensator.

Observable Reality

Man has the hardest job of all, the job of making decisions on incomplete data.'

Battle For The Burger World Page 1

Hey, what about a bounty hunter?! "A what, now?" "You know, a guy who looks for a guy for money! My sister's dating one."

Battle For The Burger World Part 2

Ah, indigenous cuisine!

Battle For The Burger World Page 4

Symbols matter. Uniforms, flags, banners - even mascots. They're like pieces of your heart that you can see.

Battle For The Burger World Page 6

How can I beat him? Without an original thought in my head... how can I...? "He's behind me, isn't he?"

Battle For The Burger World Page 7 2

I can only conclude that I'm paying off karma at a vastly accelerated rate.

Battle For The Burger World Page 8

Thus Bradley reasoned - thus most of us reason; not by what might be possible; but by what has fallen within the range of our experience.'

Battle For The Burger World Page 9

It was a wonder that so strange thing as a number should exist in the first place, rivalled only by the greater wonder that they should perform so obediently the work of mankind.

Battle For The Burger World Page 10

Heavy misfortunes have befallen us, but let us only cling closer to what remains and transfer our love for those whom we have lost to those who yet live.

Battle For The Burger World Page 12

Cos we all end up in a tiny pine box, a mighty small drop, and a mighty dark plot, and the mighty fine print hastens the trip to our epilogue.

Battle For The Burger World Page 14

"Don't be mean. We don't have to be mean."

Battle for the Burger World Page 15

Battle for the Burger World, Page 16

Battle for the Burger World Page 16

"Dangerous Toys are Fun, but you could get hurt!"

Battle for the Burger World Page 17

"Dangerous toys are fun, but you could get hurt!"

Battle for the Burger World Page 17

"Apes together strong."

Battle for the Burger World Page 18

"Your men... are obsolete"

Battle for the Burger World Page 19